Ask yourself right now: how much energy do you spend every single day adjusting your voice, your words, even the way you laugh, just so your colleagues feel more comfortable around you? Omo, if you paused for even a second, the answer probably made your chest tight. For many Nigerian professionals working in the UK, trying to fit in has become second nature. However, research consistently shows that this constant performance comes at a devastating cost to your wellbeing, your career prospects, and ironically, your actual ability to connect with others. When you stop trying to fit in and start showing up as yourself, something remarkable happens.
The Exhausting Reality of Performance Mode
Moreover, the pressure to assimilate into workplace culture is not just uncomfortable. It is genuinely draining. According to research from Harvard Business Review, code-switching at work often comes at a great psychological cost, with employees who constantly adjust their behaviour reporting higher rates of burnout. Furthermore, the Society for Human Resource Management found that 77% of Black Americans and 66% of Latinos report having to code-switch at work regularly.
Additionally, this constant self-monitoring creates what researchers call emotional fatigue. You are essentially running two versions of yourself simultaneously. One version exists at home with family and friends where you speak freely, laugh loudly, and express yourself naturally. The other version shows up at work, carefully calibrated to match what you believe professionalism looks like. Consequently, by the time Friday arrives, you are not just tired from work itself. You are exhausted from the performance.
Why Fitting In Is Actually a Losing Game
Here is what nobody tells you about fitting in: the target keeps moving. Furthermore, what counts as acceptable professional behaviour changes depending on the room, the people, and sometimes even the time of day. According to LSE Business Review research, commonly held characterisations of what it means to be professional can skew perceptions, and these characterisations are typically guided exclusively by dominant group values and norms.
Essentially, you are chasing approval from a system that was never designed with you in mind. Therefore, no matter how perfectly you adjust your accent, soften your opinions, or neutralise your cultural expressions, you will always find another hoop to jump through. This is not a failure on your part. It is the inherent flaw of building your professional identity around external validation rather than internal authenticity. The more you twist yourself to fit in, the further you drift from authentic workplace presence that actually creates meaningful connections.
The Critical Difference Between Fitting In and Belonging
Na wa o, this distinction changed everything for me when I first understood it. According to renowned researcher Dr Brené Brown, fitting in is actually the greatest barrier to belonging. Psychology Today explains that fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be in order to be accepted, while belonging does not require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are.
Additionally, fitting in gives you a temporary sense of acceptance, but that acceptance is conditional. The moment you slip up, forget to code-switch, or let your authentic self peek through, you feel exposed and vulnerable. Belonging, on the other hand, means being somewhere you want to be and they want you there. It means being accepted for you, not for your performance. Therefore, when you truly belong, you can have a bad day, disagree with your manager, or share an unconventional perspective without fearing exile.
Furthermore, research from EY’s Belonging Barometer found that 56% of global workers feel they cannot share, or are reluctant to share, dimensions of their identity at work for fear of it holding them back. This means over half of your colleagues are also hiding parts of themselves. Consequently, everyone is performing for an audience that is also performing.
How Standing Out Actually Serves Your Career Better
Make I tell you something that might surprise you. The qualities you have been hiding are often exactly what make you valuable. According to Gartner research, organisations with sustainable diversity and inclusion initiatives demonstrate a 20% increase in inclusion, which corresponds to greater on-the-job effort, intent to stay, and high employee performance.
Moreover, when you bring your authentic perspective to discussions, you offer something no one else can replicate. Your experience navigating multiple cultural contexts, your problem-solving approaches shaped by different worldviews, and your ability to connect with diverse stakeholders are genuine competitive advantages. Furthermore, career prospects tend to be greater for those who feel able to be authentic at work, as they tend to be appraised higher for selection, promotion, and opportunity, according to research cited by LSE.
Additionally, hiding your capabilities to avoid standing out actually backfires. The CIPD Race Inclusion Report found that 38% of employees whose career progression has not met expectations cited skills and talent being overlooked as a key barrier. Therefore, the very act of shrinking yourself to fit in may be the reason your contributions go unnoticed.
The Confidence Shift from Conformity to Contribution
When you stop focusing on what you lack compared to colleagues and start focusing on what you bring, everything shifts. Furthermore, this is not about arrogance or ignoring areas for genuine growth. It is about recognising that your value does not depend on becoming indistinguishable from everyone else.
Additionally, Forbes research on employee engagement found that when employees are engaged and authentic, they are more productive, resulting in a potential profit increase of 21%. Consequently, companies benefit when you show up fully, not when you show up diminished.
Moreover, the workplace culture conversation has fundamentally changed. The Employment Rights Bill 2024 in the UK is introducing measures aimed at enhancing workplace inclusion, recognising that fostering environments where individuals feel encouraged to be their authentic selves is essential for organisational success. Therefore, the professional landscape is increasingly rewarding authenticity rather than conformity.
Practical Steps to Stop Performing and Start Belonging
Firstly, identify three things about yourself that you are comfortable sharing at work. This could be your interests outside work, something about your background, or a perspective you hold. Starting small reduces the threat of vulnerability while allowing colleagues to know you better.
Furthermore, seek out communities within your workplace or industry where your identity is celebrated rather than tolerated. Employee resource groups, professional networks for Nigerian graduates, and mentorship programmes can provide spaces where you do not have to explain yourself. Additionally, consider whether your current workplace allows you to thrive authentically. Sometimes the answer is finding organisations that already value what you bring, rather than endlessly adapting to environments that demand conformity.
Moreover, practice articulating your unique value proposition. Understanding how your specific experiences and qualifications translate into workplace contributions helps you communicate confidently without apologising for who you are. Consequently, when you can clearly express your value, you worry less about fitting in and focus more on contributing.
Building Communities That Celebrate You
Abeg, stop spending energy on spaces that require you to be less than yourself. The relief of belonging far outweighs the anxiety of fitting in. Furthermore, research consistently shows that inclusive workplace cultures provide psychological safety, reduce emotional exhaustion, and may reduce anxiety, depression, and burnout.
At Delight Data Exploration, we understand the unique challenges Nigerian professionals face when navigating UK workplaces. Moreover, we help you develop authentic professional presence that does not require abandoning your identity. Our consultants work with you to identify environments where your background is an asset, not something to hide, while building communication strategies that let you advocate effectively for yourself without code-switching.
Furthermore, we help you translate your experiences into compelling narratives that UK employers understand and value. Therefore, you learn to present yourself authentically while speaking the language of opportunity.
Ready to stop exhausting yourself trying to fit in and start building a career where you genuinely belong? Book a consultation with our experienced career consultants today. Make we help you find your place without losing yourself.